Poetic Attempts

What do I do
When I’m fixing for you?
Scratching and shaking
And feeling quite blue?

Here I am happy
After I fix
Talking to you
Is one of the tricks

Knowing you
Gets out a smile.
But I shake and I cry
After a while.

How would it be
If I just walked away?
Would the pain float off
All in one day?

No it would not,
I’d ween off your drug.
It can’t just be shaken
Off with a shrug.

But which would hurt
More in the end?
Cutting you off
Like a tasteless trend?

Or keep this addiction-
And smile sometime?
But down it will go
Like a declining climb.

Which of the pains
Is harder to heal!?
This love in my heart
I wish not to feel..

Intoxicate my heart blind,
so I can taste you forever more.
For you are an addiction of body and mind,
And without my fix in feeling quite soar.

So sweet to the tongue
Yet so deadly intoxicating.
If only I could taste you
Without drinking myself cold.

It seems that the wind
forgot it’s just that.
Just a passing breeze,
but here it came, sat.

It twisted and toiled
and made a life.
But blinded it was
to all of it’s strife.

It didn’t understand
that others tried the same.
It didn’t understand
that the wind is not so tame.

It gusted then calmed
and relaxed in it’s seat.
The wind didn’t get;
to stay you need feet.

Then the tossling wind
remembered a faint picture.
It rustled and strained.
In; brewing a twister.

The wind forgot
it was the wind.
It broke the rules
for that it sinned.

It howled and moaned
but calmed its wail.
It needed to move
it needed to sail.

It needed to remember
that it will move on.
That just like before
one day it’ll be gone.

It’ll move to a place
far from that spot.
It’ll forget what it felt,
forget what it thought.

It never belonged
to stand on a place,
build up a life,
or build up a face.

So maybe it will learn
not to forget.
That it’s meant to pass by;
leave all it met.

-Trax

What if I said I lied?
Not on purpose, but by chance.
That what I was is gone;
Just a flashing glance.

What if I said I was,
All the things I hated?
I guess I’d just be human.
Dirty and poorly fated.

I’ve been rolling down
In my muddy pit.
Those I hated
Now next; I sit.

Weak and tattered
Ignorant and dumb.
Next to those;
I had bit my thumb.

Been sleeping for rest-
I’m tired and worn.
But now it’s not sleep
It’s life; ripped and torn.

Been sleeping too long
Sick I may be..
I don’t want to admit
I don’t want to see!

I want to go
Far far away.
But I’ve no where to go
No where to stay

I’ve nothing to want
And nothing to do
Nothing to stick
Nothing like glue.

Sick and just tired
Of the same old game.
I’ve not one point
I’ve little of fame.

So sleeping I’ve been
To make the days go.
Waiting for life.
Escaping the woe.

Can’t find my placebo
My sugary pill.
It’s dusted away,
With bits of my will.

But does it matter?
I don’t care!
No one else should,
So cut off your stare!

Let me fade.
Let me grey.
Don’t belong.
Don’t want to stay.

So fucking leave
I’ll make you go!
Leave on your terms
Or I’ll make it so!

-Trax

Glass on the floor

and salt on your skin.

Little you notice;

the color of tin.

Cold and shaking

but head up high -

trying to live

a cracking lie.

Floor so red

and skin of grey.

Dark fades out

the light of day.

Close your eyes

and wish for more,

while crimson tones

flood the floor.

High above

in clouds of mist,

dreaming of

ones last kissed.

Come back down,

your roots are frail.

Gouged on open;

a liquid trail.

Please, my darling,

mind and soul.

You are drowning

in your hole.

Breathing mist

and living dreams.

Masking pain

and picking seams.

Tin grey tones

are making you sleep.

You’d rather dream

than sit and weep.

-Trax

See these hands,

cold and red.

Look at me,

another life dead.

Hands are colored

but no blood was shed.

The color is false,

it’s all in your head.

Not from another,

neither from me.

I do not bleed.

You cannot see.

This red I see

is a life defused.

My own pouring blood,

but don’t be confused.

Not of a wound,

but of a fire.

Put out the flames;

words of a liar.

Inside it twists,

curls up and dies.

The world that I had

and all of it’s lies.

Just another,

gone in the wind.

Another life lived.

Another life sinned.

I’m tripping on words,

slipping in blood.

Drowning in past,

filling a flood.

But I dammed up the stream,

left it all back.

Picked up my things,

and started to pack.

Left it for dead

and turned away.

Kept on walking,

refusing to stay.

Need to let go,

or drown in my mess -

I don’t want to die,

it’s a fear, I confess.

Killed off the me,

that sunk in the sand.

Pulled myself up

and woke up on land.

Maybe I’m a story,

maybe there’s no me.

But I need something to do.

Need something to be.

- Trax

I’m the girl

you once knew.

Always wished love,

but nothing came true.

I’ll tell you a tale,

of recent stories.

Where I began to notice

what are life’s glories.

That girl always wished

for innocence and love.

She wished for a thing

that would fit like a glove.

But she didn’t know

what she wanted most

was something far behind,

for that life was a ghost.

That girl isn’t young.

That girl has grown.

But she’s still looking.

Discovering the unknown.

But now she sees

that love seems rare.

Everyone’s physical,

no one seems to care.

So she got tangled

in a lustful affair.

And trapped she was,

her heart began to tear.

But she tried to hold

those broken parts.

She wished for miracles.

For mending hearts.

She smiled up still,

trying to win.

But drowning, she was,

in her personal sin.

No not religious,

but morals are true.

She’s broken all hers;

all that she knew.

After the blood,

turned inside.

She struggled to reach

her pieces of pride.

Hidden away

in case they were needed.

Hates all she is,

but how she’s conceited.

She only smiles

because she loves her own.

“Who needs another,

when you’ve one tone?”

She’s her own color,

her own shade of sin.

Painted in filth,

turmoil within.

But the stories not over,

she’s smiling still.

Never to finish,

not until

the rains fall down

and wash away

the shades of red

and shades of grey.

Her skin is covered;

her past underneath.

Lies on top,

a smile; a sheath

to cover and protect

the pained and broken

heart inside

and words unspoken.

-Trax

And so, if what I perceive is true this time, you’ve finally given me the push I needed to Move. The. Fuck. On.
I won’t say thank you. I’ve words far beyond that of gratitude. But I do appreciate your ability to put things into perspective when you don’t have your precious cigs and green.
But with that all bring said, I already knew this could be a possibility. You were a little too smooth when it came to wrapping me around your little finger. That or I’m terribly suspicious.
Either way, in an honest unbiased point of view, there wasn’t just one person using another. We playfully used each other.
But I don’t quite like this sort of game, so I’ll be frank with you.
If this is as I perceive, then this ship has set sail across the mighty blue.

And here I am

tarnished and black.

Seems the whole world

knows of my act.

Perhaps just paranoid;

guilt ringing through.

Oh how I wish

I knew which was true.

I feel no regret,

I’m fine where I sit.

But perhaps not the sky - 

do I lay in a pit?

Of slithering guilt

and dark, bitter feelings.

The lies and a smile

protect from those dealings.

Oh what is this world!?

Everything’s lust!

I just want to live,

and give someone trust!

I’m not cut out

for this sort of gamble.

Panic ensues

and my mind starts to ramble.

Oh this sin,

I love it so much!

But love; I want more

than your bitter cold touch.

Sparked from love,

I fell into lust.

I want to win,

but winning; a bust.

I didn’t do this

to take you back.

I wanted to play,

to fill what I lack.

Thought I could lie -

say it was never like that.

Pretend it wasn’t love.

Throw on a cheap act.

But now I’m lost,

looking around.

For what is the future,

in this cold place I’ve found?

I use to be

so warm and so light.

Playing in games,

pretending to fight.

But now I just shiver;

bitter to hold.

My mind has iced over.

My heart; black-cold!

I want to live

in fairy tales told.

Where lust is quite far,

and love is so bold.

But this isn’t where

I have been born.

In the pits of society,

where the heart is all torn.

Life isn’t sweet,

like candy red floss.

It’s tainted and bittered

with innocent loss..

-Trax